I’m having a rough time of it at the moment. It is always hard for me to admit that because people perceive me as being a very strong person. They think I will handle anything my health throws at me and I guess in the end I do but that doesn’t mean I can do it right away.
The diabetes is pretty much ticking over as it usually does. It went a bit crazy when the colder weather came and my basal needed a poke but it has been ok. The problem is my anxiety, both social and general. I felt I was getting better and as a consequence I pushed myself far too far too fast. I went out too often. The places were too busy and I burnt myself out. I’ve taken steps backwards. I can hardly get to sleep at night. I lie awake at night turning over what I might do the next day in my head and when I’m not doing that I think I’m thinking nothing but there is something there. Something tick, tick, ticking and keeping me awake as the night crawls on. I am back to fearing the phone ringing, flinching when the door goes and not wanting to go out. It is very frustrating.
I worry about the most ridiculous things but I can’t make myself stop. I need help for that and I’m going on Wednesday to get some. Some things just need to be reinforced but I also hope that I will get some new techniques for coping and more importantly, for getting to sleep. I have CDs and exercises and things but none of it is working for me right now. I just feel very on edge. I haven’t gone back to my worst but I have taken a step backwards and that is disappointing. The good thing is I know I progressed out of this state before so I know I can do it again. I just need some help and a fresh approach to make it happen. Until then, I just need to hang in there and do the best that I can with the tools that I have.