It is the little things, like colourful mismatched socks. Give me a minute and I will make that make sense. I hope. Depression is horrible and it is very horrible when you are also suffering with a form of fatigue as well. It feels like things that used to make a person smile just don’t any more and that can a, make a person feel worse and b, be very frustrating. I’m well aware that certain things made me happy between my bouts of depression and no longer do and I get angry at my brain because how dare it take that away from me? Being depressed in itself is not something I get angry abotu any more because I end up feeling more depressed and often exhausted. Little things I do get annoyed at though.
I guess the best thing to do is to accept the old things don’t work and start looking for new smiles in your day. Mental illness is not something that wil fix itself without effort. Sometimes it feels like a person is putting in all the effort in the world but sometimes I think we, as mentally ill people, need to stop doing some things and accept they have failed. And that that is perfectly ok.
My current thing is socks. I used to get really frustrated trying to find socks that matched. It doesn’t matter that I put socks in the washing machine together they never seem to come back from the same pile so it isn’t like I can put them away in neat little pairs. No, I just have an explosion of socks in my drawer and often end up thinking ‘hang on , that one isn’t even mine’.
At Christmas my step mother bought me a box of mismatched socks. The whole point is they all look brightly coloured and different and I love them. They are happy and cheerful and I can’t get them wrong. I just grab two, shove them on, and stumblr off towards breakfast. Now, if I can’t find two normal socks that match quick enough I just grab any old two. So what if they don’t match? It worked for Harry Potter.
All my socks are pretty groovey and now I find the clashing patterns and colours kind of amusing. They make me happy to look at and they mean I don’t start my day tiring myself out and getting furstrated looking for a match. It is a tiny little thing but is is one more happy thing in my day pushing back that depressive wave. Being depressed can make you feel fatigued and being fatigued can make you feel depressed. To tackle them both in one little cotton shaped package is pretty awesome.
It is ok to have strategies that sound weird or that other people don’t understand. Other people don’t live your life, feel you rmuscle aches or battle your brain. If mismatching socks do the business then awesome. Sometimes that is just the answer.