Compromising with Illness

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The sunshine seems to have returned to the east of Scotland. We keep switching between sun and warm-ish weather and well, winter. Or that is what it feels like anyway. This Saturday was nice though. The sun was out, skies were blue, and the wind wasn’t too severe. I decided to venture outside into the real world of my garden, kindle in one hand and a bowl of rasperries in the other.

It was nice but I spend 90% of the time in a jumper and had tracksuit bottoms on all day with two pairs of socks. Really, I was too cold and it was difficult to look at my mum sitting enjoying the heat in her t-shirt. It was frustrating to think that the weather was right for sitting out. I could hear lawnmowers going and smell barbeques in the air. Children’s screams and laughter filled the air and my dogs retreated to the shade. Evidence of the heat was all around me. I just couldn’t feel it.

I think it is important for the mindset that I sat out anyway, even if I did go through a period of actually shivering. If I didn’t go out it would have been over a year since I had been able to sit out while others had done it any times. This way I adapted but I still did normal things. I didn’t want my thyroidism to take that experience away from me completely. There were times I did feel a heat at my back and that was nice. It was good to get fresh air reading my kindle and I loved seeing my two dogs running around the garden. At one point I even pulled on my roller blades and went up and down the garden path several times. I didn’t want to do too much and strain any muscles and there was no hypo from either the heat or the exercise. I was very aware that just because I couldn’t feel the heat did not mean it was not there and would leave my diabetes alone. My mum dipped mid afternoon as tends to happen.

I’m not outside today because the tennis is ok and I feel that is a good compromise. I went out and got vitamin D one day so the other I can sit inside and really feel warm while watching one of my favourite sports. I didn’t get up at 8am for the formula 1 as I knew I would be too tired later so that was another compromise. Tennis and one day outside. One day inside and missing the formula one. I think that is how best to deal with chronic illness, compromise. I can’t have it all at all times but that doesn’t mean I have to live with nothing either.

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