What to say. I have been out and about in the so called ‘real world’ a whole lot recently and it has been fantastic. I have been to bars, clubs, pubs and days out. My diabetes has been fine and I have had maybe one anxiety attack in three months? I feel like I’ve turned this huge corner and I almost don’t know what to do about it. I have thought about updating so much and then I turn to mush trying to pick a point to focus on! Everything has improved and it has been so fast. I almost can’t keep up with myself.
tw: dentists. teeth pulled without meds. evil dentists.
The anxiety attack I did have was over the dentist. I have decided this shall be the plot for this post. I had not been to the tentist for 6 years maybe? That sounds terrible but let me explain. My mum hates teeth. She can’t talk about teeth so until my step dad came on the scene at 7 I had never been to a dentist. So, off I went. My teeth were in terrible shape. Some say they don’t beleive in it but my dentists sure did. I have terrible genetics when it comes to my teeth from both sides of my family. Scottish/Irish families are known for shit teeth. My first dentist treated both my bio parents despite their divorce. Apparently I have an oddly small mouth from my father and oddly large teeth from my mother. You can see how this Doesn’t Work, No?
By 8 I had rotton black teeth at the back. I ain’t gonna hide that. Dentist decided he would pull them with no painkillers. He did not bargain on my mum’s big teeth coming with abnormally large roots. They did not come quietly and I was in a world of pain and oddly enough after that hated the dentist. Yet it got worst. At 8 you can’t refuse when your mum says you’re going, you know? So I got braces to push my upper teeth forward to meet my lower underbite. Then my adult teeth came in. Where my teeth used to be. So I had teeth out of line, behind each other, off colour bc genetics, and genreally not great. I took a running jump.
I did not go to the dendiest between the ages of 9 and 16 and the 16 came due to toothache. I was in agony and warding it off with a cocktail of morgan spiced rum and painkillers until I got an emergency app THREE DAYS LATER. At a dentist several towns over with someone I had never seen. She pulled the tooth but mentioned I had too many teeth and then I had the teeth out of place. She said my large teeth also meant I had more teeth for my mouth and encouraged me to sort it. She was lovey pulling my tooth so I went back, got many pulled and went off for braces as I was sick of hating myelf in pictures.
I got my traintracks and didn’t go to the dentist when they went in. I went to the brace man sure but not the dentist. I ended up with straight teeth and I wandered off but I knew I had bad genetics. I knew I had to take action. Years passed as I said but paranoia grew. Lucky for me I have a friend who is studying to be a dentist and whose father is a dentist in town. She gently encourged me that dentists are not evil and so I slowly asked her to tell me when NHS patients were possible. It wasn’t her father but she insisted the other girl was fab and I went in. I booked myself in to be looked at, walked out, and had a panic attack that very nearly took me to my knees. I stumbled towards the nearest place, which happened to be a pub and ordered some lunch if only to get a seat. It took me nearly an hour to beathe properly.
Despite that, I am insanely proud of myself for going back the next week to get checked out. I don’t believe in miracles but I will use the word to say by some miracle my non checked teeth are ok. My diabetic diet has saved them. The dentist knew at 12 I had issues that meant I had more sugar and I was stunned. Yeah, sure, more hypos, more issues. Apparently thought my teeth are ok. I need a polish for plaque and one tooth needs kept an eye on but I went in there thinking I would get a list of things needing pulled and get told I had gum disease.
Anxiety getting in the way there but between the ideas of bad things happening, esperience, and all of that I feel I did really damn well. I could never have handled that a year ago. I just couldn’t. I’m super proud of myself. The small things count. Never forget that.