Death’s Door

Diabetics face death every day and that is a weird thought. Every hypo could kill me. Every hyper could kill me. I don’t think about it often but it is true. My set change last night worked…until it didn’t. Something happened to my tubing overnight and I woke up feeling rough as heck with a glucose in the 20s and lots of lovely ketones. I’m lucky my parents went on holiday this morning so I was woken up early, really early, and so caught my dawn phenomenon before it could run away and cause some real damage. I mean, more than it did. I don’t throw up when my bloods are high but I do when I go into DKA and this morning found me hovering over the loo thinking I was going to be sick. I wasn’t but I was close and that hit home hard. 


Technically I was dying this morning. My body started to slip into DKA. I was poisoning myself. I felt terrible. An insulin pump can very quickly bring you down and so I was lucky. I hugged a bottle of water in bed and tried to ignore the way my stomach squirmed. Maybe if I was still on injections it would have been more of an ordeal. I have nothing against MDI at all but I can’t ignore facts and personally my pump brings me down a hell of a lot quicker than MDI ever did. But, what sort of life is this? Who lives a life where facing death is a normal thing? Who lives a life where facing death is not a once in a lifetime thing but something you constantly do for whatever reason whether within your control or not. 


It annoys me that people don’t think diabetes is a big deal. It is. All it takes is one failed set change. One missed injection and you can be on the brink. What sort of life is that to lead? 

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