progress. i think

It has been ages since I updated lordy. What a year. A lot of bad stuff has happened. Ferguson, rise in need for food banks in the UK, IS, the horrible incident in Glasgow and North Korea hacking the USA over a film. However, diabetes research has steamrolled ahead and that has been amazing to see.

Personally I have made a lot of progress mentally and physically.

I was packed off to college by the Government for 2 hours  a week to be far ahead of everyone in learning Spanish. I sound arrogant there don’t I? But this is first year at high school level and I crashed 2 years of German in 2 weeks when I was in third year. I took two languages to university. I find it too easy but people around people is harder and that is why I go.  And daydream mostly because I get things on the first telling and others struggle. I totally understand that languages are hard but I just expected and wanted more of a challenge for the time I was putting in to it. It would be a near 6 hour roundtrip if my parents didn’t pick me up each night.

I then got a volunteering position in an Oxfam store. It started shaky and I had a lot of anxiety but I have made a few friends there and now genuinely enjoy myself. While others would think putting the same price on 50 books boring I enjoy the way it doesn’t change. I don’t fear making a mistake. I get on with my tasks and then I go home with the reassurance that being through the back means any mistakes can be fixed without any customers knowing. That is anxiety covered of course, and depression too really because volunteering has given me a lot of focus and joy.

The sad thing? I am 99% sure my HBA1C for my diabetes has got worse since my last app so I will get disappointed looks and that subtle ‘what are you failing at’ face.  Or worse, pity. What I will have to struggle to tell people is that this is a result of my diabetes getting better. Before I had a steady hba1c because I was either hyper or hyper. Now I am seeing a more constant healthier set of numbers that allow me to go outside and get that wee job and go back to university. I will have to sight to put that point across though. A Judgement will have been made before I hit the Doctor’s room. They won’t trust that I am working, learning my body all over again. I will be a failure that has to prove otherwise and I think any diabetic who reads this knows the minute you set foot in that room you know that is the case.

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