I have all these things I want to say and never the words to say them, so I think I will just randomly do what I do.
Ok so this week, I completed an 18 week course in conversational Spanish. It was not a course I wanted to do and it was pretty horrid in terms of how long it took to get there and such. However, I did it. After 3 years out of education I have a qualification. Pretty awesome all things considered. And I did consider them on the buses to and fro believe me. The fact is when I was given a list of what I had to do, I was too intelligent. That is not me bragging. My advisor looked what the Government could send me to and what my qualifications where and they clashed violently. I was simply too clever for the courses offered. I had a higher education. So in the end they packed me off the conversational Spanish. I had the German and French ones wrapped up , other subjects I knew, but Italian and Spanish were the ones I had no knowledge of. So off I went. A4E on their quest to have people ill like me doing something.
The first night was horrid. Not because of college or class or information. No, it was because of how new it was. I did not want to face new people or a new place or anything. I broke down. I cried at my father over the phone and my stepmother despite them working. I bawled at my mum and dad (step dad) in Spain. In the end I went on the bus with the understanding that my stepmother would collect me. It took a weight off I can’t begin to describe. After that I was hardly anxious at all. No, I was bored. I was too clever for the rest of the classes and I was far too clever for this. Keeping my attention was hard because for a start the class was two hours long without a break and that is long for any mind to focus. More than that though, if I am learning a language I can be told something once and I know it. Others spend up to five minutes going over the thing I understood in the first so my mind would drift.
I hated it. I just hated it. Spanish as a language is something I am interested in but not that way. Not two hours to explain what I learned in German in 5 minutes. Tests came with dictionaries and sheets of paper. I wasn’t taught that way. I took two languages to university level and being taken to that…I could not accept it. It was too easy. It was so easy I couldn’t pay attention. I rolled my eyes at the homework. I groaned at what was seen as a difficult listening exercise. I know I passed but what my grade is I have no idea. I don’t care. A college Spanish course which was so simple doesn’t matter to me on my CV. I don’t think I could get a top grade because of the day dreaming. I don’t think I did well because it was too easy, and isn’t that a thing to say? I lost concentration. I crashed 2 years of German classes in 6 weeks to get up to task to take on a Standard Grade after all. I am not bragging. I don’t want to brag. Yet I can’t forget what I did before.
Where I thought we would get 2 turns at a listening we got 3 or 4 an some help. I felt ridiculous. I felt the system was mocking me. What did they really want from me? Was it just socialisation because surely there was another way, a cheaper way, a better way? Everyone else there wanted to learn Spanish. I didn’t. I just wanted to escape. To free me from a 5 hour journey my step dad would come get me and make it a 4 hour journey. I live 15 minutes from class by car but I don’t drive. the whole thing was a farce. It was a government hoop jumping exercise that cost them more than it ever gave me. I knew I could learn. I knew I was ready at the time but my university wasn’t. It didn’t go back until the January for me to slip in where I left. £200 and I will get a certificate saying I can say some shit in Spanish. I hope the government feels better. I don’t.
I was too clever for their schemes. They wasted money on me. Vote wisely in the election. Is packing people who happen to fit into a box off to college the answer to our woes? No. They don’t need nor want that. Will waste more cash we don’t have though.
But I can hold a conversation in Spanish so your money was worth it right?